Empath
by ginnyinvisible
Summary: A story told in Jasper's point of view. Bella's pain does not cease when Edward returns. In fact, they do not recognize the signs of clinical depression. Her condition spirals downward, and the only person who truly understands is Jasper. Canon pairings.
1. It is too late for her

No one really knows Jasper. Really understands his gift, knows how he thinks--even Edward. Yes, Edward can read his surface thoughts, but he cannot _see_ into how he feels, his reasoning, because Jasper is different. As an empath, his entire life, his entire existence is ruled by emotions. His own emotions, and those of the others. His power does not make him feel special, nor does he abuse it. It is simply part of who he is.

Because of his abilities, he can love deeply, care about how someone is feeling, yet at the same time be withdrawn and taciturn. Jasper is, outwardly, emotionless and not talkative in the least. He is the type to stand in the corner in the parties, to shun attempts at friendliness or conversation.

This is not because he does not enjoy human--in the broad sense--nature. He glories in it. It is his life. It is only because he has disdain for the outward sense of society. What he is based in is the deeper, innate nature of each individual person, and it is this that he grips on. He does not base a person by their actions, words, or appearance. To him, a person is this inner self, this soul in religious terms, and it is this that he interacts with as an empath.

His past has hurt him. Every human or vampire he has killed has torn a scar into his very being. He did it because he had to, because he had no other life. Yet now, he is not Jasper, the right-hand man of a vampire empress. Nor, really, is he Jasper Hale, part of a group of vampires foolishly imitating a human family--which, in fact, amuses him. They are not human, nor remotely close to human. No, now he is only himself.

As an empath, he connects with this inner being of every person, understands and empathizes with them. He senses, not their thoughts, which he views as unimportant and variable, but their inner emotions, their inner selves. And he bonds with them--yes, every person, so that he cannot judge or control, because in a sense, he is that person.

He understands.

Even when he must kill someone, understands why he must, to protect his family-- Even then, it is difficult. Because he sees everything inside of them. After all, no one views themselves as evil. When he was forced to kill James, he killed him, but every tear of the vampire flesh was as if he was slicing away his own skin. Because he understands the killer, knows what he felt, feels his pain and desire for... what? Glory? Triumph? Revenge? The others, he can tell, thought this was all behind James' motives. But he, Jasper, knows otherwise. There was something deeper, something harder to understand, more like a need... _to survive. To excel. To not fail._

Sometimes Jasper's decisions are wrong, or others would say they were wrong. Like that time, a little earlier than the incident with James, when Bella had escaped from him. He had sensed her motive when they had been in the airport, when she had asked to walk with him. Her fear, determination, and above all the need to _escape_ had attacked him, blatantly obvious. And yet he let her escape--though no one had ever discovered that, even Bella. He knew he shouldn't have, that it put her in danger. But he felt her fear, her need to get to her mother... and without thinking of the consequences, he let her go.

And he never felt that it was wrong. Because she had willed it, she had wanted it, her _inner self_ had needed to go. And he could not hold her back.

And now, when he is waiting for the plane to return, when he is worried, and angry, and bitter, he still does not blame Edward, for he felt what he did was right. But he knows--_he knows_--that there will be consequences.

For he already knows what this has done to Bella.

* * *

He feels her. Already. He feels her turmoil, her love, her devotion, her agonizing loss even though she is in the arms of the one she needs. Her emptiness.

He welcomes Alice back with a hug and a gentle, chaste kiss, yet his attention is on the boy and the girl. He reflects upon the fact that they are both so young and vulnerable. The girl, only human, had been gentle and weak before, without the years that turned a vampire cynical. However, her innocence has been lost with the months she spent in agony, and he can tell that her mind has aged, her inner self has aged. She thinks like a vampire now.

And the boy, also. Edward was the first to join the Cullen coven, the first Carlisle turned. As a result, even though he appears seventeen, most of the others treated him as older. However, Jasper has lived longer, and through more, than Edward ever had. And now, with Edward staring down with bleak distress at the girl in his arms, unsure, all cockiness lost, his inexperience is evident. He is not God, and he never will be. And he is just now seeing the results of his delusion that he knew what was best.

Bella impresses him, however. Before, he had seen her as weak and shallow, too devoted and attached, beyond her own good. Now, he sees that he had not been looking deep enough. Either that, or she has grown. She feels the same love for the vampire next to her, but it has changed. It is not blind devotion, but a regretful, and agonizing decision to continue. For him.

Her self is more hidden than other people's and that intrigues him. It is coated in a sort of shell, a mask, that hides her. Even without using his abilities, he can see this in her blank, emotionless stare. All these passionate feelings are inside her, but she is holding them back, keeping them contained, so that they are dulled and hidden. Perhaps even she cannot feel them. For a time.

He can tell that there will be no survival for her. Her light is extinguished. She may pretend to exist, for a time, but she, herself, the part of her that Jasper can see--it is dead.

"We rescued him. Both of them," whispers Alice in his ear. "They're both alive and safe now."

Jasper shakes his head slightly. "It is too late for her."

* * *

Jasper feels the feel, the worry, the dread in Edward. He does not want to talk to her, yet he does, as well. He needs to talk to her, but is frightened.

Imagine, the almighty Edward frightened.

He brings her in the door, and Jasper stays outside, listening. He does not feel awkward, as if he is eavesdropping. Neither does he care if Edward knows he is listening, but the mind reader is probably too preoccupied at this moment.

"Bella. We need to talk." Edward's voice, pleading, slips out of the window to where Jasper is perched in the tree.

"Talk, then." Bella is emotionless and dry, even... sullen?

Edward takes a breath, then leans forward to grip her arms. "Bella. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I can't believe I did this to you. I never dreamed... I never thought this could happen. That you would--that you could even think of--I thought you would forget. I hoped you would."

She drops her head, aimlessly playing with a strand of her hair. "Then you thought even less of me than I thought you did."

"No!" He brings her face up again to stare, entreatingly, into her eyes. "I--Bella, I love you. I lied to you, when I said that in the forest. I thought it would be best for you... to have me gone..."

She smiles, and Jasper feels the bitterness rise up in her. "I'm so glad you feel you have the power to make those decisions over my life."

Edward does not say anything in reply this time, and lets his arms drop. His voice, then, is agony-filled. "You won't take me back, then. You hate me." He feels only regretful acceptance. He knows he deserves what she has said.

She sighs then, and the bitterness leaves. She pushes him down on the bed and entangles her hands in his hair. "No, Edward, I love you. I forgive you. I'd forgive anything you do. I want you here, with me." She laughs a little, mockingly. "I guess that's what I am, a little puppy who'd follow you anywhere. Off a cliff."

Edward closes his eyes, mouth tense with pain. He takes a moment to speak. "I never had any idea that you would do that. That you would jump off the cliff."

The next words are a well-practiced lie. "I didn't jump off the cliff, Edward. I was cliff-diving. Jacob and his friends do it all the time. Don't angst. It was just a little fun. It was a mistake that it happened to be stormy."

It was a mistake, she says.

But Jasper can feel what she really thinks, what she really _is_.

He knows the truth.


	2. You've become a better liar

Bella says she is happy.

Whenever she is over at the Cullen home, whenever she is talking to Alice, to Esme, spending time in that secluded place in the woods with Edward, she says she is happy. And she keeps up her act well.

She smiles, and she laughs. Her eyes are bright again, and she is putting on weight again--she had been drastically underweight. The only difference from the old Bella is that she does not blush. Her cheeks are always the exact same pale shade as the rest of her body had ever been.

The family discounts this. Emmett jokes about it, but they ignore it, happy themselves that she is happy. Relieved. Relieved that she seems to have forgiven them so easily, the way the past seems to have just disappeared, the way they have easily slipped back into the old routines as if those couple months had never existed.

It is always easier to hide from the truth. And Jasper is never one to bring disillusionment.

Edward, the person who spends the most time with Bella, who knows her every facial expression, he should be able to see what Jasper sees. Yet he does not, because he does not want to. He does not want to believe that Bella is not as happy as she says she is.

Jasper hides his thoughts around Edward. Edward would kill himself if he knew what Jasper knew. Jasper knows Edward feels a constant burning guilt for what he has done. What he has done to Bella, what he has done to their love.

Again, Jasper reflects that Bella is extraordinarily strong. Not many people would be able to keep their true emotions in check for so long. Her smiles look real, her laughter genuine. If he had not had this connection to her inner self, below her mask, he would probably not be able to know what she is thinking.

He wonders how long she will be able to keep it up.

He looks up from the book he has been staring at, not reading, as Bella sits down next to him on the couch. She does not meet his eyes, and does not say anything. He hears chatter and laughter from the next room, Alice's high, cheerful voice ordering Esme and Emmett around. He longs to go to Alice, take his love in his arms, and connect with her bright, dancing self that is her. But he knows he is needed here.

He drops his eyes to the book when Bella is not immediately forthcoming, pretending to read as she shifts in her seat, discomfort and uncertainty emanating from her mind.

He feels her resolve stiffen, and looks up, knowing she is about to say what she wanted. In a way, he already knows what she wants. Yet his gift is sometimes difficult to understand. _Escape, relief._ Her self is deep with pain, a need for freedom.

"Jasper."

He looks up, meeting her eyes. He does not need to smile, or acknowledge her. Instead, he subtly closes the book and sets it aside.

She takes a deep breath before she continues. "I was wondering... You know your power. How you can make someone feel calm, or--or whatever... You can change how someone was feeling. I was wanting... I--"

He stopped her, putting a cold hand on her interlocked fingers, which she jerk to a stop, as if she just realized they are moving nervously, pulling at her clothing. "I know what you want. You want me to make you feel happy, don't you?"

She gasps, looking up at him, horrified fear in her slightly parted mouth. "How did you--"

"I can tell. You know that. You did hide it well," he smiles wryly, "but I can still tell."

She looks down, not saying anything for a moment, hiding her face in her hair. Then she mumbles, "Will you tell the others?"

"No." He wasn't sure why he says this. It would probably be in everyone's best interests for the depression she is sinking into--drowning in--to be known. But, like all the other times, there is only the one choice.

"However," he continues, "you need to know one thing before you ask me to make it go away. What you feel, this is part of what you are. If you hide it, if I make it go away--it is not real. It is just something that can be pushed away. It is not lying to others, not even to yourself; it is lying to your inner self. What you are."

"So..." her hands twist in confusion. "You think it's okay for me to be... sad?"

He sighs. Sad is a bit of an understatement. He feels this agony, this hole that grows like a festering cancer, that threatens to extinguish her. "Maybe not. Actually, most probably not. He shouldn't have left you. He shouldn't have ever forced you to do this, to become this. But after it is done..." he trails off.

She thinks it over, then says without emotion, "I understand." She stands up from the couch, smoothing down her jeans.

"Wait," he grips her with her piercing, topaz eyes. "If you want me to do it, I will. It would be better for you. I do know that."

She shakes her head slowly. "No. I see what you mean." She smiles, a wry, resigned smile, and leaves him sitting there, passing into the kitchen.

He feels her wall go back up, and knows she has replastered that cheerful grin onto her face. His sensitive ears pick up her cheerful voice, talking to Edward. "Hi. I love you."

He knows Edward has taken her in his arms, and is kissing her. He feels the embarrassed Alice, Esme, and Emmett leave the kitchen silently, and knows that Bella and Edward are alone in the kitchen. Edward's emotions are exploding, but Bella's... Bella's are harder to understand. She loves him, she loves him with an undying love, but again, he notes the slight difference in her affection to him.

They break apart and Edward says, his trademark crooked smile probably stretching across his face, "I love you more." Both their breathing deepens as the sound of Bella being pushed against the counter reaches Jasper's ears.

He leaves the house. It is not right for him to intrude upon their private moments.

He walks among the trees, the wooded area behind the house. Tall trees seem to reach the sky, and he scales one of them, breaking through the foilage to let the sun warm his face. He enjoys the feeling of being alone, for a time. No connections pulling at him, no stress, no worry. No monumental decisions to make, to decide whether to tell, to take people's lives into his own hands. He cannot feel any souls around him, at all. For the moment, he is alone.

But he knows that what he has said to Bella applies to him, too. He cannot run from the pain and problems of other people, because they are who he is. He is connected to them, just as he is connected to the love and happiness as well. Emotions are him. He is emotion.

He drops noiselessly from the branch he is perched on, falling down the height of the enormously tall oak. He lands on the balls of his feet, perfectly balanced, and immediately sets off on a run back to the house. Though he is too far away to sense the people, he knows something is happening.

When he slips in the door, Edward and Bella are both standing on opposite sides of the room, with the rest of the family gathered around nervously. "What do you mean," Bella yelled. "I can go visit my friend if I want to."

Edward steps forward and grips her shoulders. "Bella. It's not safe. He's a young werewolf. He could hurt you. Phase unexpectedly and... He did hurt you, so many times..."

Her eyes are steely, and Jasper knows she is considering the extremely obvious comeback. _You hurt me more._ However, she looks again at his painfully anxious eyes, and sighs, loosening her posture. "He would never hurt me. It was all my fault I got hurt all those times."

"But Bella, love--Carlisle told me about all those hospital records. All those times you were sent into the hospital, for stitches, for..." He trailed off, tracing a cold finger over her forehead, then whispered, "I could not survive if I lost you."

She brings her own hand up to cover his, pulling it down to hold it with both hands. Then, looking down, she mumbles, "He did not hurt me."

"But-"

"He never lost control around me. All those injuries..." she looks up at his eyes, meeting them fearlessly, "I did them myself."

Edward's eyes widen. Jasper can sense his disbelieving horror, as well as that of the rest of the family. He, however, is not surprised, because he knew. "W-what?" Edward forces out.

"Jacob never hurt me. And they weren't accidents. I..." she laughs a little, humorlessly. "I went kind of crazy when you left. When I was in danger, I heard your voice. So I kind of... did dangerous stuff so I could hear you. Like riding on motorcycles and crashing into trees. Like cliff diving."

She cries out in momentary pain as Edward's grip tightens painfully on her.

He loosens it as self hatred burns inside him. "Bella. I will never forgive myself for what I did to you."

She smiles. "It's fine. You're back now."

His gaze becomes intense. "Promise me you'll never do anything like that again."

She laughs a little. "Don't worry, Edward, you're back now. I'm fine."

Jasper's lips curve. He notes how deftly she avoided the question, and the others didn't even notice it.

Her posture straightens, and she twists in Edward's arms, pulling him out the door. "Come on, Edward, let's go to our meadow."

Before they leave, she glances back at Jasper, and their eyes meet. His eyes are still bright with dry mirth, and he thinks to her, even though she cannot hear him, _You've become a better liar._

She nods slightly, then breaks the gaze and leaves the room.

**By the way. There is no Jasper/Bella going on here, lol. This is just through Jasper's POV to provide a unique perspective and show exactly what is going on with Bella's emotions.**


	3. Her release

Bella's power is unusual.

The family had established that it had something to do with a sort of mental shield, something that kept Edward from getting inside, something that kept Jane's power from affecting her. But Jasper seems to be discovering that there is something more to it. Something unconscious, something that she perhaps is not aware of as well.

The moment she stepped off the plane, he had noticed the wall of cold lack of emotion she had erected around herself, preventing him from fully experiencing what she feels. And now... maybe she is hiding what she is from Edward. By pretending to be happy, yes, but also, maybe, hiding his thoughts.

Edward does not suspect anything. Jasper has been considering this for several weeks now, and he is still clueless. This seems impossible to Jasper. Thoughts about the rising agony in Bella have been foremost in his mind, and Edward has still not called him out? There seems to be only one solution.

Bella, maybe unconsciously, has hidden them from the one she loves.

And this realization shows, even more glaringly, how much she does not want him to know.

Jasper admires her strength of character. She thinks absolutely nothing of herself, only wanting to have Edward happy. It hurts her to know he is worrying, and so she hides her problem so that he will not. Jasper has not taken a class on counseling, but he knows that it is wrong to hide. Very wrong.

Her held back emotion spurts out of her, randomly, in temper instead of pain. She never used to get angry at Edward; now, little things perturb her. Whenever he limits her, doesn't let her do something for her safety, she lashes out.

They are fighting again now.

"I'm going cliff diving, Edward."

"No." Stubborness.

"Am I your slave?"

"Bella, last time you went cliff diving you almost got killed! I can't let you--"

"What if I don't--" She cuts off abruptly.

Edward is suddenly at her side, in the blinding vampire swiftness that even Jasper, another vampire, almost misses. He yanks her chin up so that she meets his eyes, and she gazes back at him fearlessly. "Were you going to say 'What if I don't care,' Bella? Were you?"

Jasper can see the tiny muscles tighten at the sides of her mouth, and knows she is clenching her teeth. "Stop making assumptions, Edward, hard as it may be for you. I meant I wouldn't get hurt. The weather is fine."

Edward loses his grip, but a strain of suspicion is still in his mind. "Why do you want to cliff diving? You never wanted to do things like that... before."

She smiles wryly. "I've changed. You know that. Grown up."

His eyes drop, hands getting shoved in pockets. With a tone of defeat, he mumbles, not looking at her, "Is this because you want to be with Jacob? Is that why you want to go to La Push?"

"No!" She steps forward, gripping his shoulders. "I love only you. You know that. There is nothing else in my life."

"Then why?" His eyes are ancient.

She glances away then, with the taste of the lie on her tongue. "It's fun. I like it." But Jasper sees the glint in her eye. The glint of the love of danger, of risk. A wild, free light. Something that will not be restrained.

Edward's resolve is stiffened. "No. You're not going to do it. You're not going to do anything that will risk your life."

"But--"

He puts his hands on her shoulders as well. "I'll stop you. I promise."

She glares at him for a second, then drops her hands, pulling away. "Fine." She starts backing away, hands limp at her sides. "Fine." But the strange light has not disappeared from her eyes as she disappears out the door.

Later, Jasper realizes this was the first time she cut.

* * *

"Bella, walk with me?"

She looks up at him. Edward is hunting, and she is lying on the couch, staring up at the ceiling, hands interlocked behind her head. "What?"

Jasper feels awkward. He really hasn't interacted with her that much. Before the time he attacked her, he had never bothered to attempt to connect with her at all. Whatever happened, he had that obligation to her. She was his sister, after all, human or not. "Do you want to come, walk in the woods with me?"

She stares at him, incredulous, then lifts her body, stretching slightly with a groan. "Sure." She peels the throw blanket off from her legs and tosses it onto the couch. Then she sprightly leaps up, placing a believable smile on her face, looking expectantly at him.

"You know you don't have to do that with me."

A small crease folds in between her eyes. "Do what?"

"You know. Act all superficial and happy."

Only a small tightening around her eyes shows her shock, then she loosens her muscles and shrugs. "Just used to it, I guess. I don't think I could open up to anybody."

He grips her with piercing eyes. "Maybe you should."

She gives him a questioning look.

"It's dangerous, what you're doing. Very dangerous. I can feel what you are feeling. I can feel what you are. You're going to break. Can you not _know_ it?"

She hesitates. "I can stall. Make it go away."

"How?"

She avoids the question and looks away. She is hiding something.

Jasper stares at her for a long moment, then sighs. "Well. Come on then," he instructs brusquely, and walks briskly to the door, holding it open for her politely then stepping into the cold wind himself after her.

They wander through the woods behind the house, aimlessly, pushing through the leafless, yet thick, branches, and the frosty pine needles. It is cold, and he sees her shivering in her thin sweater, but does not offer her his jacket. He is not Edward. Plus, he does not think he could stand the human smell on his clothes. Touching his skin.

After a while, she stops, leaning against a tall oak. He looks around at the unchanging scenery. If she were alone, she would be hopelessly lost. However, he is pleasantly surprised that she feels no worry about this; she trusts him.

_Or perhaps she just does not care._

"Why do you wear that sweater everywhere?" he asks, suddenly. It makes sense now, but he has seen her with it on inside the house, near the fireplace.

He feels the shock and panic hit him, like a wave, crashing and burning.

_Ah._

"I--" she stutters, clutching the sweater closer around her as she glances fearfully at his eyes. "I like it. I get cold easily. Sentimental... value, you know?"

_Fear. Can't let him find out. Hide. Lie._

He stares at her. She looks back, her thin fingers unconsciously gripping her lower arm.

In a movement too fast for her to react, he is at her side, and he rips the sweater off of her body. She lets out a slight cry.

His long, white finger traces over the scars on her pale arm. The most recent, still not yet faded, is halfway up, and slightly reddened. Her eyes stare at him watchfully as he feels each one, wincing slightly when he presses, a with a little more force than a human would. He is not gentle.

He finally looks up, meeting her eyes calmly. "I see," he says, without inflection.

She then leans down, gathering the wispy sweater from the ground, and pulls it onto her arms, shaking the sleeve down over the scars. "So," she says, bluntly, looking back up at him.

"This is your 'release'?"

She shrugs, closing herself off. He feels the wall erect around her soul. "I suppose. It helps."

His facade falls off of his face. For once, he is realizing how much he really cares. That he is really not as disattached as he has convinced himself he is. He grips her arm tightly. "Bella, I know I told you I shouldn't help you. I've changed my mind. You need me to help you. Let me make you happy. Let me take this away."

She smiles condescendingly. "You were right the first time."

He stares at her intensely. "Right?" He yanks her sleeve up. "_This_ is right? I can't let this go on."

She flinches away, and the sleeve falls back down to her wrist. "I thought you would understand." He feels the betrayal seep out from behind her wall. "I thought you were different." _From him,_ he hears the unspoken addition.

He slowly collects himself, taking a deep breath. Then he nods, deliberately. "Yes. I do understand."

* * *

"Edward, I need you to promise me something."

He turns to her with wariness in his eyes. "What is it?"

"I need you to promise me you won't _ever_ do anything like what happened a couple months ago. You can't kill yourself if something happens to me."

He groans. "Bella, I can't promise you that. There is no life for me without you."

Before, she would have backed down at that, with the repetitive declaration of love. Now, she does not. "You owe me. You left me. You destroyed my life. You owe me this one promise."

He cannot deny that. A pain-filled noise escapes his lips as he, holding her arms against her sides, pushes her against the bed. "You're right. I do owe you. There's nothing that I could do, to make what I did okay. But--"

"But, Edward." Her voice is mocking. "Don't you think you 'But' too often, Edward? Just promise me."

"Why would this even come up--"

"It doesn't matter. If _anything_ were to happen to me, you have to promise not to do anything to yourself."

He hesitates for several seconds, staring deep into her eyes. "Alright. I will. I promise."

A hiss of breath that she has been holding escapes her lips in relief, and she pulls him down to kiss him fiercely. Her supple yet fragile body twists around in his embrace, and she pours all her emotion into the kiss, into her passion-filled moving lips, into her hands tightening in his hair.

Jasper, walking by the room, senses one overwhelming emotion. He knows she has done what she needed to. Now she has no other ties. She is released.

She is feeling triumph.


End file.
